Thursday, 26 January 2012

Todays Meditation

Well I haven't done one in a long time but had got hold of some new music to try. With that the compelling impulse to meditate arose and it had to be done. There wasn't anything significant to report from it really but what I had experienced wasn't like anything I've felt before.

Before I began I asked my guides to step forward and aid me through this meditation and aid me as I connected to the spirit world, which they did do.

During the meditation, I was taken down some stairs and led through into a long chamber like room. On the walls there was a plague that read - Today, Tomorrow, Yesterday are all now. All one.
I was then led from that room to another set of stairs that rose upwards, now this is where it gets strange, during this point it felt as though someone was applying pressure upon my forehead, where the third eye could be found. As I walked up the stairs with my guide to my side, I could see someone waiting at the top, but don't ask for a description because it's near impossible for me to tell you that right now only that it was a male figure at the top of the stairs.
Upon reaching the top of the stairs he asked us to wait while he went and checked our 'entry'. When he came back I was told I could enter, that I was ready. I asked him - ready for what? I was then told, ready for the next level, - What that next level is I do not know but I went with it as I am open to the changes and all that comes with it.
What happened after that I can't really remember, although the pressure on the third eye area remained after being told I could enter. At the same time I could feel slight pressure on my shoulders and the back of my neck where the skull meets the vertebrae. Even now there is still that feeling of pressure and warmth in that area but it's light not uncomfortable.

During another part of this same meditation I could feel strange sensations forming around my throat but knew it wasn't anything untoward as I had already spoken with my guides before hand to allow nothing of the sort so I had nothing to worry about, but the sensation itself is not one that I could easily describe.
Also during this meditation I crossed paths with several spirits passing through who popped in to say hello before going again. Some were only brief glimpses others lingered a moment or two longer and allowed me to see their features as clear as I would see you if you had been stood before me.

One was an elderly lady with semi long straggly salt and pepper hair, who had some teeth missing, with a hooked nose - now I bet your getting the impression of a witch here now aren't you? Well she wasn't one, she was a very misunderstood person in life but very caring and loving, always wanted to do good by people and help where she was allowed to. Sadly however not many people had taken the time to get to know her and so she spent most of her life alone scarce for the odd members of her family to say hello, or the neighbours around her that cared and looked out for her.

Another was of a younger female, again her hair long and loose but straight and brown, with a shine to them, she could only have been about 17 years of age, such was the impression in her eyes, of which were a blueish green shade, very compelling. She had a lot to live for and so much promise to show in her life before she was abruptly called back home.

There were others, a younger boy, a middle aged man, and an older man to mention but a few but I can't express to you the love they carry for the people they care for. It is so immense and strong, and I know fine well that there are several of you out there who don't believe and feel it's all made up and there is nothing I can do to convince you other wise. I wont event try to change how you feel about it but just know that for me it's as real as you are and it's a god given gift to bring some peace to the families that have lost these people.

Friday, 6 January 2012


Once again I've just gone through a 30 minute Meditation and have experienced similar to my last posting here about the last meditation I had done last week. The meditation I have been doing is one to develop physical mediumship, such as Trance and what have you. It doesn't take you into Trance it only assists you to build the energy for what you may need should you go on to do physical Mediumship.

During my meditation today, rather than have cold spots it was the opposite, I could feel with the energy rising there was also a sensation of heat building with it. I had images almost clear as day in my mind which was rather interesting. There was only really a couple today, one was of a child, a young boy, a toddler really about 3 years old with blonde hair, really happy young thing, eating bread, full of glee, such a warm loving feeling with him.

The second was more of what I would say was a man sitting on a chair. I couldn't see his face all I could really see what his arm and torso along with the arm of a chair. He raised his arm up and he was wearing a watch on his right hand wrist, a gold watch, with a light blue watch face. He was wearing a green checked shirt, green and white, different shades of green really.

These were only small images but almost clear to the point that they could have been real as if looking in on them from through a window.

I tried this meditation a couple of days ago, and within that meditation if felt as it was more symbolic. I could see what was boulders on the ground - ruins from some sort of building but that wasn't shown to me. I was shown one patch that was surrounded in blades of grass, to see a hand reach out and touch it, to almost feel it's texture as if it was my own hand that was touching the rubble.

I could see the faces of my guides sharply but not for long, they came in and out letting me know that they were with me as I went through this meditation.

I will state now that this meditation isn't in such a guided meditation, it starts making you aware of the energy that's in the ground and in the air around you, then it brings in drumbeats and leaves you for about 20 minutes on your own to experience what you experience, then towards the end it brings your focus back slowly and reminds you to make note of what you have experienced so that over time you can see the changes as they happen. As it's all to easy to miss the smallest of changes that could have the biggest of impacts for you.

So for now this is me signing out until my next posting.


I've just come round from a development meditation. Where the energy was quite obvious and growing. I could feel the pulse of energy under my feet, and running through the body coinciding together, quite different from the heart beat. As I called my guides closer to work with me as I do this meditation. As I get used to it. As I did so, I could feel the air around me become colder, more so towards my back.

As I communicated this feeling with my guides I could feel it then change to warmth. I could feel my body growing heavier yet at the same time it became lighter. In my minds eye I could see my guides moving around me, accustoming their energy with mine as they often do. At the same time as they moved the air became colder in the area's in which they were around me. I communicated with them each feeling and how I felt it, how I could feel a growing tingle over my arms, my shoulders and my back. How my left arm felt like it was become heaver and warmer at the same time. How I could see in my minds eye that my guide was holding it, gently. So that I become accustomed to that feeling when working in the way I was. I don't do anything openly with spirit when first becoming accustomed to it. I will always work solely with my guides to begin with before I open that door and allow others in to my energy.

Even now 20 minutes after that meditation, I still feel my energy buzzing, my arms and hands tingle from it. It's not uncomfortable, it's not undesirable. It's new and welcoming and I'm looking forward to the next one.

May 2011

This may seem or sound strange to everyone who may at some point come across this blog and read it. But those that know me know the path in which I am currently walking, they do not however know completely in it's entirety of the things I've experienced within the last two and half mind boggling weeks.

For those whom may read this and don't know me (can't see anyone reading it though) I am walking a path in which I have chosen to develop my psychic side and also my mediumship. I've been on this path for a good three years now and it's not always been plain sailing there has been a couple of occasions where I felt enough was enough, that it was time to stop. I have however pushed that away and continue to proceed with it as the feeling you get from it is nothing that can be matched by anything in this world. It might seem strange to you or repulsive but for me it's an ever growing link to the afterlife and knowing that there is life after death is something wonderful for me. It's not for everyone that I agree with. Many out there will tell you horror stories about it, they will bash it to the words of the bible they will slate it and tar everyone within it with the same brush. Fair enough that's there thoughts and opinions good on them, this world, this path however, does require an open mind and respect. However I'm getting off the beaten track now with what I've said.

The purpose of this post was to configure everything that has gone on this last month, but i'll probably not remember ever last detail about it. This is so that I can record what I've experienced and so that I can perhaps look back on it at some point down the road.

So it's May of 2011. For many I've spoken to this month it's been a month of heightened activity with regards to the spiritual world. For me I've experienced things that could perhaps frighten some, but in the right mind it's nothing to be scared of and this I know.

Within the last few weeks I've been seeing more faces coming and going when I close my eyes. Faces of people who are not living and of people I have never seen before. It hasn't mattered as to what time of day it's been, or what I was doing. It's also worth mentioning that it's not always been when I've closed my eyes. Sometimes it's like a flash in the minds eye of a face coming in close and disappearing just as quick. It's usually a common occurrence to experience seeing faces at night when going to sleep. Or at least that seems to be normal for many in this field and perhaps also to those who don't work in it. I couldn't tell you for certain. Some of the faces I've seen recently have been so in your face where you feel you need to pull back, enough for you to take notice of them and then they are gone again. I've not felt anything untoward from it at all, just the strangeness in that it seems that I'm experiencing more of it in a shorter period of time.

To the point that some really are lifelike and solid while others are noticeable yet faint and hazy (see through). It's extended further than just faces when I'm awake, I've had more of what I would say was spirit in dreams, you know the way that you can tell between it just being a dream and when someone comes to you? ... OK maybe you can't. But for mediums out there perhaps they can it's the same feeling when you become aware of spirit wanting to communicate when your willing to open the channel and let them through. In dreams - when you sleep, it's said to be the same state of mind as when your meditating, thus making it far easier for spirit to come and speak to you. So I've had more spirit related dreams which personally didn't make much sense, I still feel that they are pushing my awareness to see how far it will stretch, to see in which ways I will notice them. It's that feeling your being tested for something but you don't know what... I've never bothered to ask about it with my guides either. I've known for the last 7 or 8 months that things were changing, they way spirit were making themselves known was fluctuating through that time period as well, another indication that change in awareness was on the horizon.

I can't help but feel that these such dreams are partly connected to other dreams I've had regarding people I do however know but none pertaining to family members. To which these dreams I'm still relatively looking into them, into myself as to the meaning of them, trying to see what the subconscious wants me to see - all of which I keep coming back to change, to seeing the smaller details, the fine tuning, being alert to surrounds and such things like that.

On another note, I've had lights flash in my room - yet again when it's the middle of the night and no-one passing by outside in cars or what have you. I've heard my name being called more often with no-one in the house doing so. I've had shadows pass me by and disappear, before you start to wonder none of this bothers me, it's nothing new to me really only that it's happening more often now than it did before. There was one night within the last week in which I was watching a DVD on the laptop, where my mum had come in with a mug of Tea then went back out again - lights were off in the room and the mug was away from the laptop or it's screen to the point where there was no possible way the following item could have been caused by the steam off that mug. I went back to watching the DVD when all of a sudden I had what I would say a wisp of smoke, not just a small amount either, come up from behind the screen and upwards towards the ceiling, it was white, almost like an orb but made up of smoke. I couldn't explain it, there was nothing on the DVD that could have contributed to it, there was nothing in the room either that could have caused it to happen and I really don't believe it was a trick of the mind.

A couple of nights later, mum had come in again with another mug of tea, after a couple of minutes of her leaving, I saw what I would claim to be that of a man standing in my room away from the door way. Again the lights where off but there was light coming in this time from another room just offset from the door in the hall. I could see his face as clear as day, he was looking out towards the hall. I could make out his neck and shoulders, and the outline of the rest of him. I didn't get a chance to make a connection with him as, as quick as he appeared he was gone again. This left me a little startled as to what had happened but one again nothing out of the ordinary for me. I've had many odd experiences over the years, enough now to not make me jump when things like that happen.

I've also recently just tried my hand at a little automatic writing, I would say it was only about 20 minutes worth as I had to go to work. I didn't open the channels for spirit to work with me, I kept it only with my guides for that time. I didn't want to open up to just anyone esp when I was heading off to work not much later. As much as you can doubt the outcome of this I can bet my life on it that I did not knowingly know what was being written. My eyes where closed, I was mentally inviting my guide forwards to try this method and the response he gave me was - Why... So why indeed, I'm not going to question it just yet. I'm going to leave it and see what comes about when I next have time to try this method before trying it with the spirit world.

Another thing that doesn't make sense right now to me is, I was running an open circle with my dad, on line. As much as I could see spirit passing by, I couldn't establish a connection for anyone present that night, which isn't all that strange for me recently however, once we had closed circle and cleared the room, once I had re-grounded and protected following methods I've been taught. I became really light headed and feeling somewhat sick. It's almost as if I had ploughed straight into a wall of strong energy. I thought for a moment perhaps I didn't close down properly after running circle so I went through it all again to no avail. I couldn't detect any spirits around which could have caused that and I fine not long after either. I had water with me throughout so I know it had nothing to do with that, I've been fine since, and had nothing to eat that would affect me in such a way. I've yet to find the answer to that one.

And the last thing to mention in this record so far that last night - May 24th at around 11:30pm I started feeling really unsettled and anxious. I hadn't knowingly opened any connections to bring about this feeling, but felt I needed to go and walk it off, so I took the dogs with me and I sat outside for a good 10 minutes watching them run around before continuing with the walk. When I came back I decided to see if I could pick anything up, that might have brought about that feeling. I soon became aware of a man, sitting on the floor holding his knees in towards his chest and rocking back and forth. To me that might have explained the connection but I'm still not overly sure. I'm not doubting the feeling only looking for other plausible explanations to which I've found none.

I've also tried working with a Trance Meditation, to help connections with spirit. I could only do about 5 minutes worth as once again something disturbed it and I didn't go back to it. I wasn't feeling tired so I've ruled that out of what I felt.

When listening to this Guided Meditation, I could feel myself swaying slightly which I think is normal in relation to what was going on then. I could feel myself going deeper, feeling the drop into each level as it where, now I don't know whether the sound I was hearing contributed to the feeling of it or not but as I felt the drop into another level, I was aware of my head going downwards more also. I don't know if that's normal or not but do know that for most people when meditating(which always fails me, something always prevents it) that they sit with back straight and head stays up. I don't know I can't say for certain as to why I felt what I felt. I think perhaps I'll try it again later and see what the outcome of that will be once again, hopefully I'll manage more than 5 minutes when I do try again, likewise for automatic writing, I hope it's more than just why and longer than the time I had to try it last time.

So that's about it for now, but I have this feeling that there will be more to add as the days go on. I'll try and keep an up to date record of what I've experienced to keep myself straight as it's most definitely been more eventful now than it has before in regards to what's been felt within a space of 3 weeks.

Oh before I forget, there's one more thing. I was watching an episode of Most Haunted, one from Season 6 on DVD which I've never seen before not having Living TV to watch it on. There was one episode where almost from the start of it, I had the name Amelia come in that I couldn't place, there wasn't any spirit's around at that time either. On further watching of this episode David Wells picked up on a 19 year old female to which he connected the name Emily. After he did that there was a flash up on the screen of the information pertaining to what he picked up on and he was right about the spirit however her name wasn't Emily it was Amelia. I found that strange.


Catching a moment's peace before going to sleep, when all around the house is dead to the world. I gathered my Ipod and headphones and went and sat down on my bed. The music was Native American, Soft gentle music with a steady drum beat and soft blissful flutes. What more could settle an active mind before sleep than this.

What happened next was much like what I noted from the 12-07-10. In that as I closed my weary eyes of the day I was greeted by the pit of darkness for it to fade into a spiral of colours. From those colours sprang to life my wolf pack.

Once again Sharkari took his role and lead me to a place of where I was meant to be. A place in which once again I could sit and relax, to gaze into the dancing flames of the fire before me.

I was greeted once more by my guides, both to my right and behind me as before. My guide to the right did the same as before, he tapped the ground with both hands alternating several times, it was if he was imitating someone or something walking. He then used his right arm and once more wavered it in a circular motion three times round then slowly raising to the sky above.

Counter-clockwise was his action I could see it more clearly this time round. He then again cupped some of the earth into his hands to rub it into his face. To let the earthen dirt fall back onto the earth, again blowing the remaining dust from his hands into the wind.

He began his chanting or singing, still as faint as the last time, but loud enough just to hear it and no more. This again sending that rising feeling of energy up my back, towards my neck and shoulders which were gaining in heat.

This time however we were not alone, I remember there was an elderly lady sitting with us by the fire and others walking about. She was also singing gently to herself as she sat weaving a basket of sorts together. She looked a peaceful gentle soul. As she glanced up to me you could just tell from her face and eye's that she carried many stories and so much wisdom that it filled her heart with joy.

My guide, the one who was standing behind me gave me a little nudge inviting me to come with him. I then stood up and followed him, trusting him in all his actions for what he would give or share or wish for me to see is as I see it.. Time.

He lead me to a horse in which I climbed onto as he did another that was near by, and so we travelled to a river in which we dismounted. Sharkari was never far from me. Quite contented that I was willing and trusting enough to go this far.

We came to a stop by a tree next to the river. It was then that I heard my guide say to me - Many Rivers, Heart Of Wolf. Father Sky and Mother Earth. Growth In Acceptance, Truth In Understanding. As Eagle Flies, And Fire Re-news. As Sun Will Rise And Fall, Great Spirits Above, Ever Watching.

I could see his comfort and delight in saying these words to me. Words that apparently hold greater wisdom than just the words themselves. He tells me that I should Sit and Wait.. and so we sat, and waiting, silently gazing out listening to the flowing river beside us. Watching the stars above one day "home" glowing brightly above our heads.

As we sat we uttered not a word just that understanding that then nothing was needed to be spoken that we could feel each others thoughts and just know what was.

As I sat with his words weaving through my mind, finding a place in which it could reside, I was aware of the sound of hooves drawing nearer. I didn't turn to see who was coming, I had no need to, I already knew who. It was SB and RC coming to join us..

To connect the Circle... Unity between us and Earth.

14/07/2010 - A Letter To The World

It has come to my attention that several unnecessary changes have been on going in your ever watchful presence around us. We understand change is a way forward in life and a new learning curve for us to endure, to embrace and over come with as much dexterity and undulating courses as we have continued in our on going circles and journeys.

Surly however that some changes given to us are only then becoming a hindrance rather than creating the perfect chances so that we can embrace with passion, rather than moan and groan with frustration at the difficulties that we have to endure in this life time.

I fully understand that we can't have a perfect world where everything is as we would hope it to be. When we would have the sun shining through the day whilst the rain would await the nightfall, but then we would miss the wonders of a clear night sky. Where we would fail to see how much beauty there is within the stars of a distant magnitude.

If we had this perfect world, what would we write about as surly there would be nothing to complain about nothing to truly be proud over as we wouldn't have the bad feelings to know when we felt good and proud over things in our constant changing lively hoods that we so happen to brace ourselves for. It's our nature as things stand to find the imperfections that make us who we are, that also make us tick when things pick that little piece of string that seems to pull further making something to be what it isn't.

Change is a wonderful thing granted that most times it's when we least expect it but then given that surly those are the times that we really need that welcome break of fresh air to keep us turning to keep us looking out at the world before us.

I understand that when you suffer, we suffer to, when you laugh we laugh with you. That when you cry we feel your tears upon our very being that we can stand with you and try and be helpful to ease your sorrow. Like we should be there for our fellow beings of mankind and within the animal kingdom. But we have become to engross in our living and within the societies in which we come from that we forget to be human as intended. That we forget to be the spiritual beings of essence that we truly are.

We don't need to worship a god to know that there is a higher cause for what surrounds each and ever day. We would love to have all the answers as and when we need them in any way we could lay our hands on them, but where would the challenge and fun be without any of that.

Your unnecessary changes do make for complex living situations and creates higher or lower demand for subjects and objects but it also gives us due course and purpose for living. Where I see it, your changes give us the balances that keep us down to earth, that give us something to talk about, to complain about, and something that in times we can be happy about.

I say we should welcome the changes and embrace life as it unfolds before our very beings that we can carry on this trend for the better of ourselves and to aid that of others as we go about it. I welcome your energy and feelings into this place and time that you may then help me to chart my course forwards as I accept and embrace the challenges that you deem fit to throw in my way.

Change... I shall embrace it


I took time out last night and reserved the last moments of peacefulness in my home before falling asleep into the strange worlds of dreamland.. I did something then that I've not been able to do in god knows how long.

After a some what frustrating evening connecting with spirit trying to bring through messages for others that were present. My heart became disgruntled for a moment. My sitter was lost somewhere in the crowd and could not somehow acknowledge the information that spirit was giving out. I continued to sit and monitor the proceedings but you do feel deflated when you've not has sitters for a month or so.

So I sat and sat, watching as the time went on. I became aware of my solar plexus area feeling cold but it wasn't cold to touch. A strange feeling this was and wasn't the first time I've felt it recently. For those that are not sure where this is it's just above the naval.

So the night went on with this central cold feeling. When the time came. I left those surroundings and watched a film. Even then I couldn't settle to some degree. Great film though but there was something ticking over in my mind, something I could not grasp or connect with. When the movie was finished I turned off the laptop and went to bed.

I switched the ipod on and was listening via speakers, then switched to headphones to block out any noise that may of arisen. The music was near heaven to my ears. The Native American flutes and drums was the ticket I needed to connect with my Spiritual Guides.

First when you close your eye's it's almost like you've been swallowed up into the deepest darkest pit grasping for something to hold on to something that is familiar then the safe comforted feeling comes in so we can relax and sleep.

The darkness was there when I closed my eyes it was a night so it would be dark. I allowed my mind and body to relax as the music was playing, becoming somewhat transfixed in the tones and beats of it that the next thing I know I was staring into the eye's of a Grey wolf. In my mind I reached out, it was closer then I thought, It's fur rough and yet so warm. This wolf is known as little Grey to me. She brings great comfort when searching for things only I can unlock.

Then she moved and allowed another wolf to stand in her place. A magnificent animal in every way you could imagine. White coat, white all over, beautiful amber eye's. A calling, looking into those eye's that every thing is OK, that I have come when the time was right. Great wisdom from him. He's my guide. Well my Animal Guide. He's been with me since I can remember and is known as Sharkari. Again I reached out and he nudged my hand up with his muzzle.

I spotted another two standing to the back, One all black say for a white tip on his left ear and a kink in his tail, the other silver like the ripples of water under a moonlit sky. Daturo and Silverheart my fellow companions.

Sharkari lead the way to a place where I was meant to be. A place to which I could sit in front of a large burning fire. Where from the flames the answers and all that I need at the time will come.

I gazed into the flames, Sharkari stayed with me on my right hand side, the others walked to the edge of this place spreading out as the pack does.

Within moments I was aware of my spirit guides presence. I knew the face I could see within my mind. pointing to the flames so I may relax even further. He came and sat down with Sharkari and I, uttering not a word in the silence. He wavered his arm in a circular motion after patting the ground with his hands, then reached one arm up to the sky. Then cupped some of the earth up in his hands and put his hands over his face. To allow the earthen dirt to fall, then he looked into his hands and blew what reaming dust left.. away into the trails of the wind.

I could then hear him chanting or singing. The sounds were near a whisper in my understanding. I could feel a rise in energy spring up my back, upwards reaching my shoulders, to then feel another pair of hands upon them. Hands that have seen many battles, that have lived through so much. But gentle hands all the same..another of my guides.

The longer he kept his hands there, the more I could feel tingling upon my back, the more I felt my self sinking into a deeper state of mind and being. I remember him gently pulling me backwards.. then I hit the pillow and was out cold.


Children Of Earth

Children of Earth who hear our calls, who listen to our whispered words. Who feel our presence within your beating hearts. Listen to us now. A time comes of upheaval and disturbance. We are into the final phases of change. Stand true more than ever and help your fellow beings. United we will come shining through upon the verge of the New Dawn.
Stronger than ever before.

Universal Beings

We are universal beings of light travelling on the highway of learning. We are one and many striving forwards in hopes of a better world and we do so aided along the way. In our distant past our ancestors fell from the stars to walk a course on earth and so when the time comes to move on in the distant future we shall return as did our ancestors to be at home in the stars. The cycle completes

Pupil Becomes Teacher - 02/06/2010

When the Pupil of now shall grow.. Then the Pupil becomes the Teacher. Ready to share the knowledge and understanding that they have learned over the course of their time. Our learning shall never cease. We are The Pupil and The Teacher as one.


I was listening to a radio show on facebook this afternoon > being April 21st 2010 , and from that there was a part to which we could open up to spirit and to receive messages for ourselves and others and I feel that I should share with you all What I received from this show.

To all whom listen heed the way to your heart of purity, With passages of gold. and rivers to your side, may you see the doors to the higher realms,
Life shines bright within everyone, and all in time will be ready, be the guidance that others seek and share with them the passage that you have come to learn and know, that they too shall walk those halls of gold and they too shall connect with those they love. While they remain to earths ground and us to be free spirits around, we will not fade from this world we love, we will fight to connect the chains of old and rebuild the walls that in time have since come down.

Blessings to you all xxx

Memories Of Spirit - 07/04/2010

I've often been asked when was i aware of the spirit world and my answers have always been the same, my awareness extends back to early childhood memories.

The earliest of those being when I was no more than 1 years old. I remember standing in my then cot in the middle of the afternoon when my dad comes into the room to which then I see another man behind him. When my dad then picked me up the man at the door started to smile. I don't have much of a memory on what he looked like but I have always felt that I knew him in one way or another.

When my dad turned around the man that I had saw had gone which could only have been within a matter of seconds which takes longer than that to have walked from the door top the top of the stairs and down them. I have shared this memory with my dad and he recalls sensing something at that time but having blocked a lot he couldn't tell what it was. To this very day I can't help but feel that the man standing by the door was my great grand dad on my fathers side.

The next vivid memory I have is when I was around the age of 3. I remember being out in the back garden of our then home with my Brother who is 2 and a half years older, I don't recall what we were doing but I do remember turning round and being drawn to the upstairs back bedroom window. Which incidentally was the room in which my brother and I shared

On looking up at the window I noticed a lady looking back at me, a lady that I had never seen before nor seen since that day. I do remember partials of her, she was in her 30's very slender features on her face. I would have to say light bay brown shortish hair, she was wearing a red jumper from what i could see. I recall her smiling and I wondered who she was. My mum then appeared at the back door which runs of the kitchen so I had asked her who she was. My mum asked what lady so i said the one standing at the window of our room, mum's reply was that there was no-one else in the house with her. I thought nothing more of it.

Another memory isn't with a spirit of a person but that of an animal, well two really. From this memory I recall seeing a white wolf curled up in the corner watching peacefully what was going on, not stirring but could see he was ever alert as his ears would twitch and it's nose would move like that of your pet dog, upon his back was a brown bird, at the age of three i couldn't tell you what type of bird but her feathers looked very soft and smooth. The wolf didn't mind her being there. I've since come to learn that the wolf and the bird which I now know to be a red tailed hawk are in fact two of my totem animals. These two in particular are still with me now and appear to be life long totems.

The next memory I have I can't recall how old I was but can't have been older than 5. It was night time my brother and I were in bed when I awoke. I could see a man standing by the wall near the door just for a moment and he was gone. I then heard a female speak and said do not be scared we wont hurt you. I didn't feel scared which I think to a child hearing that would have scared many. It's kinda hard to explain what I did feel and some would say that I don't have to explain it was it was personal to myself.

I've often been asked when was i aware of the spirit world and my answers have always been the same, my awareness extends back to early childhood memories.

The earliest of those being when I was no more than 1 years old. I remember standing in my then cot in the middle of the afternoon when my dad comes into the room to which then I see another man behind him. When my dad then picked me up the man at the door started to smile. I don't have much of a memory on what he looked like but I have always felt that I knew him in one way or another.

When my dad turned around the man that I had saw had gone which could only have been within a matter of seconds which takes longer than that to have walked from the door top the top of the stairs and down them. I have shared this memory with my dad and he recalls sensing something at that time but having blocked a lot he couldn't tell what it was. To this very day I can't help but feel that the man standing by the door was my great grand dad on my fathers side.

The next vivid memory I have is when I was around the age of 3. I remember being out in the back garden of our then home with my Brother who is 2 and a half years older, I don't recall what we were doing but I do remember turning round and being drawn to the upstairs back bedroom window. Which incidentally was the room in which my brother and I shared

On looking up at the window I noticed a lady looking back at me, a lady that I had never seen before nor seen since that day. I do remember partials of her, she was in her 30's very slender features on her face. I would have to say light bay brown shortish hair, she was wearing a red jumper from what i could see. I recall her smiling and I wondered who she was. My mum then appeared at the back door which runs of the kitchen so I had asked her who she was. My mum asked what lady so i said the one standing at the window of our room, mum's reply was that there was no-one else in the house with her. I thought nothing more of it.

Another memory isn't with a spirit of a person but that of an animal, well two really. From this memory I recall seeing a white wolf curled up in the corner watching peacefully what was going on, not stirring but could see he was ever alert as his ears would twitch and it's nose would move like that of your pet dog, upon his back was a brown bird, at the age of three i couldn't tell you what type of bird but her feathers looked very soft and smooth. The wolf didn't mind her being there. I've since come to learn that the wolf and the bird which I now know to be a red tailed hawk are in fact two of my totem animals. These two in particular are still with me now and appear to be life long totems.

The next memory I have I can't recall how old I was but can't have been older than 5. It was night time my brother and I were in bed when I awoke. I could see a man standing by the wall near the door just for a moment and he was gone. I then heard a female speak and said do not be scared we wont hurt you. I didn't feel scared which I think to a child hearing that would have scared many. It's kinda hard to explain what I did feel and some would say that I don't have to explain it was it was personal to myself
Carrying on now from my last memory I seem to have a gap between the age of 7 and 10, which perhaps i can place down to moving to a new place and then adjusting to that around me from such a move. So between 7 and 10 I don't recall any spirit interactions.

Although when I turned 10 there was several events or such that stick with me. There was one account where I was in the sitting room of the flat watching the telly to hear a thud in the same room. There was no-one else in that room with me, my mum was in the kitchen making dinner, my brothers were in the back bedroom or outside at the time and my dad was working.

I turned to look for what may have caused that noise to see a girl over by the book case pulling a book out, she had already dropped one on the floor. She turned to look at me when i looked at her and smiled and let the book fall. She wasn't the only one in spirit in that room there was a man and a lady with her, I couldn't make them out so much as they were faint, but obviously wanted to make there presence felt. At that point I think I froze to the seat I was sitting on and they faded from site.

Another memory was to the sounds of two boy's in spirit laughing and running around. I was laying in bed and was watching this tennis ball going back and forth across the ceiling while these boys were laughing, Some would say it was just my imagination but I felt it to be spirit.

I would often sit in my parents room watching the TV there while they were watching something else in the sitting room where one night all I could smell was burning wood, much to that like the smell you get from house fires. All the window's were closed in our home and there was no reason for it to be there. I have not been the only person to smell this in this room.

Another night in that same room I remember I was watching coronation street and the outline of a woman's head appeared before the telly and I then heard the words = Get out it's not safe.. I will honestly say that scared me, I left the room but I did come back later, the smell had gone and her presence was gone also.

For a long period of time this room would smell of that smokey wood from a fire, and feel heavy, sometimes disorientation heavy. emotionally draining to say the least.

I've also come to see my mum's sister in spirit. Her name's Joanie, she passed when she was 4 years old when my mum and her family where in Germany. My grandpa at the time was in the army and did a lot of traveling. I knew nothing of my aunt till after that night I saw her.

I was in my room, again watching the telly when she appeared to me, blonde kiss-curly hair just longer than shoulder length, wearing what looked to be a white floral dress with lace around the neck, long knee length socks and black buckle shoes. So vivid was this spirit I had no doubts that it was in any way not my imagination. I remember her Saying hello to me. Again I froze but it was like a conversation in my mind to which now I don't recall what was said.

It was the next day once I had returned from school that I had told my mum what I had seen the night before. I described her as I did here and she had told me that What i described matched her memory of what her little sister had looked like before she passed. Her death was an accident she took an over dose of paracetamols thinking they were sweet's.

When I started to open up more to be able to communicate with spirit, I became more aware as you do, was able to connect to that lady in the back room, she was emotionally attached through her passing and with help we were able then to guide her to the light, and since then that back room as been so much lighter, more comfortable.

There was one occasion I was connecting to spirit when a man came forward to talk but something wasn't overly right, I could feel that and knew it but couldn't place why. Then the next think I knew this man in spirit was like lunging towards me but I could feel I was in no danger. My guides had stepped in as I could see two hands come in front of me and acted like a barrier. They stopped that man coming any closer and sent him on his way. ...That is partly the reason we have our guides with us.

I've had objects move from one place to another in front of me, I'm guessing it was done to get my attention in which it certainly did.
I have this 6inch figurine of Aragorn from Lord of the Rings bought a few years ago now whilst on holiday in Blackpool with family.

One night it was sitting on my computer table next to my bedroom cupboard, when it started to violently shake, it shook that much that it was banging against the cupboard, but no-one else saw this happen or heard it. Which i found to be strange as I know it did happen and wont ever doubt it.

I've had the TV turn on a 6 o'clock in the morning for the BBC 1 world new's broadcast. It was reporting on the event's in the then war in Afghanistan. As soon as that report was done the TV went off again. I know that it was my uncle in spirit who had done this as he would always listen to the new reports on the army as the connection runs in the blood of the family. My uncle passed away while I was 7 years old, but feel blessed that I can still communicate with him and know that he is always around moving things about keeping us on our toe's

I've since had music come on a CD player and it would change track to follow the conversation I was having with friends in Mediumystics chat rooms. I remember talking about the rain that was falling and Rhianna's song - Umbrella that came on, there was another part of the conversation that changed to talk of something that was going on with dad's car and track changed to shut up and drive. Which looking back although strange as it was, it was funny and nice to know they were around whom ever they actually were.

I've had many things go on even to now where the most recent one was an issue with my pc speakers that were plugged into the laptop and there was no music playing, In fact there was no signal showing on the base unit for these speakers, and yet music started to come from them. I called my brother to check if it was just me or that in fact the speakers were playing music and they were so i grabbed for my phone and recorded what was being played. The music that came across was a mix of several things and as of yet I've still to find any connection to it. I've been left wondering if in fact it was my guides making sure that I was listening to them

How Do You See It? - 22/10/2009

I've had discussions with many people around me and the main theme that keeps cropping up is that of perception based on preconception leading to concept ... sounds complex doesn’t it.

In all reality it probably is but how many of us actually look beyond the ideas of another to see where they fit for ourselves?
How many of us question what it is that feels right and that which doesn't seem to fit?
How many of us will live through life with the preconceptions someone else has then giving us?
Thus becoming our perception that we then live by and so becoming a concept and a basis for things in which we see or think through.
Does that give you some food for thought or is it already washing over your head in some confusion?

I see as I write this that there will be some blank faces but also I see that it might trigger something in some of you and it might be what is needed just to help you clear some issue of self being

We all know what preconception is right.. you know ideas and thoughts that we may form about something before we actually experience the matter at hand from what we may be told it will be like.

Preconception is one of the bases of perception, perception is that of how we see things in our life and believe them to be true.
In saying that perception can affect that of our recognition and interpretation.

If you were told the sky was red without ever seeing the sky would you believe it to be red. Then one day you when you happened to see the sky for it to be blue.. would you recognise that to be as it is or something different from what knew the sky to be like ?

I think really what lead me to this somewhat obscure annotation was a discussion based on setting ourselves lessons and challenges before we take to walking our journey on earth. This being a pre-life perception that some have will others don't have.

How do we know that we do in fact set our on lessons to learn before we are born. Is it so or Is it based on what others have said. The question at hand was something along the lines of.

Do we choose our life as we want to experience it and if so when we choose a hard lesson to learn will we be stuck with only hard lessons?

Everyone has they're own ideas on this matter, they're own perceptions as you will mine being that we do set ourselves with many lessons before we make our earth walk and all of them will vary in level and all will have a reason behind them. When we then over come one of those lessons we then move on to the next on and so forth it continues.

Some have then gone on to say they regret the lessons in which they have set but how can they really know which they set themselves when they are still making that journey through life.

I always look to the prospect that I don't regret things I've done each mistake in life has and will continue to serve a purpose unknowingly so at the time but it will become clearer down the road.

If we do indeed set our tasks and goals before we take our journey then each one is set with a purpose and intent, there fore there is a reason behind each and everyone one of them for the theory is that everything happens for a reason .. yes that's another perception in life but its one that rings true to me you may see it different that's what makes us special as individuals.

In life we will always make mistakes its how we learn lessons and hopefully we wont have to make them again. We will fail in areas where we hope to succeed not always just in some occasions this again another lesson. We will suffer setbacks and downfalls it's life we all have those issues some more than others I agree but did you ever think why?

Did you come to the conclusion that life is cruel and that your not meant to be happy or did you come to the conclusion that you suffer as you do through life so that you can then aid another who may walk a similar path to that of which you had gone through.

Thus helping them not to suffer the same way in which you did the pain in which we go through in life I see now as being a good thing so to that person who helped me to see that way I owe you big time. But one thing we must remember and take into account is that how a person looks at the experience they have gone through affects how much pain they will feel so their for not everyone will feel it to the same level. Not all situations will be the same.

I can hear the question now , If they don't suffer the same way we are then are they not learning their own lesson?

A good question to ask everyone will see it in they're own way but my answer is my belief that that being they do learn their own lesson but they will learn it with compassion and comfort, with the support and help from those of you who have been in "those shoes" Who in return will have had some help along the way in which to keep them going.

They're lessons may not be the same as yours but they still go through the same pain and the same struggles as you will. Life isn't about being easy or hard. Life is just that Life. It's an experience not to be missed or cast aside and given up so easily its filled with trials and tests with love and adoration concepts filled with every emotion and every word under the sun and stars.

No matter if its good or bad you will still gain a new outlook at the end of the tunnel because that is how it is perceived to be right .. I say yes but some will disagree and that is good allow your thoughts to come through and break the moulds.

What you see as being easy will be hard to someone else and what you see as being hard will in return be easy to someone else.
Its all different and the reason it is so is because where is the fun in everyone going through the same challenges thinking the same things living the same lives seeing things the exact same.
It really does pay to be an individual.

Some will now be saying but I would never ask for any lessons to be taught the way in which they have .. How would you really know how you asked for them, we may not set them to work out a set way just for the lesson behind it that we ask for. We may not ask for things that have happened but they did happen for reasons that may be unknown to us its one of many complex things within that web of life and living.

There would be no fun in life if we were all the same with the same thoughts on the mind. With the same opinions to share with others. With the same feelings. We all see it differently and that difference is the best thing possible for humankind. It grants a thirst for new and deeper learning, creating the awareness and understanding that we should seek and want for nothing in life.
Preconceptions and perceptions in life can be a good thing they can help us to grow but in other situations they can hinder us and our thoughts on situations if we have not experienced that situation first hand. I don't ask for people to see them as good nor bad I only ask that people be aware of what is what when they come to make they're choices or opinions on matters that they have yet to experience themselves. We have all done it though haven't we, made judgement or comment on things we don't know or don't know well enough again part of the human experiences.
When looking to preconceptions and perceptions and how we perceive things to be it is indeed a very complex situation, you can take things a whole lot deeper but to go into the details of each one could take an infinite amount of time and knowing that is there really a right or wrong answer when its based on what we believe or what we feel to be right within ourselves. To me that's what matters - what we feel to be right or what rings true to us. If it doesn't fit with you even after looking into it then it doesn't really matter does it.

I will leave you on that note with the hopes that some of you may be left thinking some things over and seeing with a new light your choice. What I have written here for you is only my thoughts and yes perceptions on what I feel to be right for my thinking your ideas and concepts will surely differ from that of mine and that is the fun side of life and hopefully you may share some of them with us all.

Light In The Darkness - 27/08/2009

When you're close to losing those that you love, or those that you have loved and lost through what ever illness they may have had or however they went.

No matter what your beliefs are in life or what you experience through life. When we go such pain and raw emotion when we loose those we love it can send some over the edge to a point where they feel they can't cope.

But the support is there for anyone and to know how to find that is the key. There are people you can go to and sit and talk. Your friends will often lend you there shoulder and give you the support you need to help you through. There is no need for you to suffer but do give yourself that time that you need and never feel rushed.

Its times like these where going through such things can kick up thoughts and feelings that we never even knew we had inside us. Raw emotions coming to the surface burning away at us from inside out. Where everything happens for a reason and purpose but we just can't see what that is while we feel the way we do, no matter how many times others are there to help us through.

It's a test of faith and takes our beliefs to the max, it can quite often test the strength and courage of who we are. It can quite often create doubt in our minds of why these such things have happened, then your found to be digging yourself out from the hole you put yourself in because of how you suffer inside.

And yet we still fight on.. we find some inner strength from where we thought not possible and it gives us the courage to get through the following days, weeks or months to come. We battle on knowing that we can't just sit and allow ourselves to wollow in what we feel.

Even if you still have your doubts there is still a reason to carry on. People like myself who are spiritual in there beliefs who believe in life after death.. we don't fear death for we know that life goes on and when a loved one passes we know that they are moving up a level, to a place that is free of pain and suffering where they are reunited with there friends and family of days gone by.

But even though people like myself do not fear the aspects of death our human side still takes over and thats what causes us all the pain inside.

We know within ourselves that we still have contact with those we love who have moved on to a better world. We carry with us each day a piece of them in our hearts and the memories within out minds.

But knowing that does not ease the mind of what we feel for we still miss that contact with them, we miss seeing them on a daily basis in the flesh. We miss hearing them on the physical level that everyday contact we had with them.

We miss the memories we could have shared together, but as they say life goes on within this world and the next. No matter how I look at things in this aspect i'm left thinking to myself that is what I know about the after life meant to make it any easier for us to accept loosing those we care about.

Is it meant to make the pain be any less than that of which we feel?
Is it meant to give us some sort of comfort in knowing that they are still around?

Sometimes I'll sit and think about this and know that it does ease the pain a little but our human emotions take hold even when we try to not let them.

No matter what your beliefs are when you loose a loved one or are in the process of knowing that the time is coming to say your last goodbyes to them so that they can then move on.

When things like this happen all that knowing of them moving on to a better place where they dont feel pain goes out the window and we feel like any other person feels in the same situation.

But we do not have to suffer in silence, as I mentioned earlier there are people to help you through who will be happy to support you and lend you there shoulders. DO NOT allow your pain and suffering to burden your heart. Talk to someone, let it all out, it might not feel like it is helping at the time but trust me when you look back you'll be glad you had that support.

Support System - 27/08/2009

As everyone is aware life isn't easy, full of pain and sadness, filled with love and happiness.

Does that all matter in the end when the end is enivitable when there is so much to go through and face, so much hurt so many tears is it all really worth it?

Fact is YES its worth it. Only when you are faced with these things do you see more clearly. Only when faced with these challenges do you learn and grow in strength, aided from the support of friends who are there to help you though and in return you are there to help them when they need it.

Only when you face head on are you granted the courage to shake of fear to then face what comes to you, with your head high and courage in your heart. We do not know what is expected of us in life .. in fact is there any expectations of us from anyone or anywhere.. maybe so but granted the spirit world expect nothing but for us to be who we are and to not allow things to affect who we are, as hard as that is to say those things to realise thats who we are within it doesnt make up for the fact that when things become overwhelming that there is only so much in life that we can really do and to keep hold of our faith is then another challenge.

To trust in full body what everything is as it should be for us no matter what pain we may be feeling, no matter how sad we are feeling. No matter what trauma we may be facing. Its hard to keep that faith and trust within.

Times of realisation hit you hard when you think surely nothing more can be thrown your way to uspet the balance and then comes along another upset to knock you off your feet to tip the balance even more.

I might be just sitting here typing this as I have nothing else to say or through the fact that from ones inner pain or sadness grows the seed to help others make some sense of why we have to go through such things.

But right now that sense is somewhat hazy for me, with the same things on my mind no matter how hard I try to clear the mind of its rabble to think with clarity, to be able to clear what is not needed to allow the changing flow of energy its passage through the vessel my soul resides within I just cant shift those thoughts, those feelings to qoute but a verse from a song

" I'm like a clown, I put on a show, the pain is real even if nobody knows, I'm crying inside and nobody knows it but me"

Somehow that verse is somewhat apt to how I feel. Theres only so much of me I can share with others so I tend to be that clown as such and hide how I feel so as not to bother others to sit in silence watching myself dazed in some maze of thought, knowing exactly that I am where I should be and that whats going on is eneivitable and destined to be. But no matter how much I know that it doesnt easy anything hence comes the test of faith and the time of self doubt.

But then I come to thinking of other things, simpler smaller things that then ease what was not enitrly just enough to create a balance within the mind.

To then share some with friends who listen, whom help to ease what it is that was building to then raising a smile and having a laugh with them, That little fix of happiness to keep us going, we all rely upon the comfort of friends.

So then comes my thinking that we can learn from how others cope, to being able then to know how to help people through it all to ease them back onto the balance of the mind and soul.

Obviously thats no easy simple task but its one most tend to undertake, some through there own suffering others do it unknowingly.

A sense of relief knowing that your not alone and that there are people even if in the spirit world who will then listen to you to help ease what you carry through the days.

To cheer you up and change your focus. Its these times we forget when its all over, times we take others for granted but do we really ?

Can we look over and see how all that help has changed us in how we act or behave and then how then we use that support that was given to us to then help another who is in need.

That there is not taken actions for granted its a blessing of life and the love that surrounds us is the circle of inner balance and respect also for those who helped you so you can then help them.

This being one of the reasons why I love my friends so much, that of which I have talked of is a common thing in life and that aid to ease you through is always there when you need it.

Do not cast aside your faith or trust, keep it burning strong within you so that you can then aid another person through the same feat as you have come through.

So that you can then share the love within you outwards to them. To help others find themselfs to then steer them in the right way intended...... Nothing is coincidence .. Everything is as it should be... What will be will be

Animal Totems - What are they? 28/07/2009

Animal totems are animal guides and are also known as power animals, animal essenses, they are thespirit of the animal be it a wild animal or domestic animal. The spirit is what lies within that animal. Alternatively an animal totem can be a real animal around you but the theory is they same is there essece/ or spirit that is helping you on your way.

They relate to use in a way that they reflect us almost to a mirror, the refection is our deeper personality they show us our traits and show us what we may need to work on.

They show us this by how they move and live or even feed so if you notice an animal pay attention to what it is doing, how its moving or interacting within there environment. Use this to help you find your traits. If the animal has a trait that you dont then it may be there to help you work on that. So next time you see an animal remember to look at what it is doing and this will quite often help you work out what it has come to you for.

I can give you an example with regards to the wolf:

The wolf has an almost endless amount of stamina, basically can keep going when on the same pace and can easliy be mis understood. They are friendly socialble animals within there pack and they avoid aggression where possible. Family to them come first but the wolf also values its freedom and with that the realise being free comes with respoinsiblilites. Wolf is also known as the pathfinder and a teacher.

Wolf represents highly developed senses with excellent hearing and sense of smell all of which are vital for wolf's survival. The wolf shows how it is feeling it uses its body to communicate with others and the body language on those with this totem is symbolic.

The wolf is my Life totem to date and it refects my personality to the limit. I love my independance and freedom and know that with each comes many resposinsiblities. I value the connection I have with my family that strong bond that will carry on through anything as the past year have shown to me.

Many often wonder how I can be up late at night and keep on going even with little sleep this reflects the stamina of the wolf who when running to a steady pace can cover vast distances over the day.

I love my friends that I have and can be wary of newcommers as would the wolf be with strangers entering the territory of its pack. I avoid all confrontation where possible.I'll be the one to stand back out of the way not willing to fight unless i needed to and even then It would leave me feeling bad about myself.

The pathfinder part i'm not totaly sure upon but it regards to guidance and some do come asking for some help with that and the teacher, the wold teaches sacredness and spirtiuality which comes through to a dregree when Im doing classes on site.

It could be possible that while they teach me to walk my path within spiritualism that they are also teaching me to deveolop upon my senses to guide me to where I should be. I can see, hear and smell when there is a pressence around me, not all of the time but each has proven useful and senses grow the more we atune to them and there level.

I can often tell from how someone stands and holds themself refers to how they are feeling , whether it being comfortable or defensive or with something to hide. If its meant to be seen and your looking for the signs the become open to you,

So with me looking into the wolf for myself and often for others, how it lives and moves has given me a great deal to think on in that of which where it stands within my present life time. The more I look to wolf the more I see me within the eyes of every animal is is soul, within the eyes of every being is the opening of the heart. To look is to be curious to act is to be thoughtfull to accept is to be couragous.

SO think again when you see an animal wihin dreams or upon the street as to what it is trying you tell you, You will truely be amazed at what you may find.


Ok what’s he on about now. I was chatting with a friend few nights back about meditation and not being able to still the mind enough for that and they had mentioned that with my guides no wonder lol. Up until that point I had silence from my guides and the mere mention of guides one popped his head round lol so nosey aren’t they. Just when you think you can get some peace and rest with no work needing done in they come and pass on more for you to look into. This time it was more a message directed to me and feel its shared with whom I was chatting to that night. So she can share the workload from Kicking Bear lol. I was talking about how at that time I was getting few spirit connections and unable to meditated and my friend said to ask the angels for some assistance with this and before I realised what I was saying in comes something from Kicking Bear.

I was saying to my friend.. Angels not my forte but since suggestions count to forty silent minds and whispered thoughts oh where's my rested mind when needed the most.. yep I know into rhyme tends to be a bad habit when talking to my friend it tends to flow without knowing I’m doing it around her. I know that of which I was saying then as I don’t really connect to the angels or ask them for anything in general and nothing really for myself only that for others but was going to try the suggestion of asking the angels for help with mediation and with the suggestion of that I was going to count to 40 slowly to help calm the mind and body when I next went to try and meditate. Finding that when I try to rest the mind in order to help it doesn’t really happen not even when its time to go to sleep so more often than not I find myself tossing and turning in bed all night so anything is worth a try now.

With that In comes Kicking bear and says rather long windedly : Not to rush time will come to then hush. Needs lead where you see not. Faith and understanding grant you in your mind. Silent little wolf the mind of night rest instead for it will lead to another road. Mind you slumber some and work when needed your time will come. Pastures be green with things to be seen trust that sight not in calm surround dreams awaken to wonder delight. My golden beam you shine so bright delicate does the mind unfold your one of many but one so bold.

He continued by saying: Meandering thoughts lead one road on, Learning curves throw another path. Learn yourself then shines the beacon to light your road. Hine sight and tender moments, given strength time them comes to bare witness child of earth. Stand strong soul of old unite with flames of passion denser than ignition deep within. Courtesy brings a path of thorns to walk upon not to harm the vessel you tread.

So any Ideas on this please because as normal I am totally confused by it all, never to they give a message in a more simpler tone. Well they might but I think they enjoy makings us work these things out as we benefit from it more when we actually understand what is being given to us. Don't you just love it when they make you think about things in life and about yourself to help you more on finding who you are. If anyone reading this can take something from what has been said please do and thank the highest source to grant us these messages via guides and spirits whom forever aid us on our way forward.

Ok so I guess its time for me to do some evaluating and searching again, what fun but its rewarding when you benefit from the outcome of what is sought even if the answers that come about aren’t that of which you are looking for but more of something that you may not like but need to hear, for it is only really then that those things make us take notice and when you notice something given to you from spirit and so on then your one step closer to understanding what it is that you should be doing. Even if its for you to share that message with others for there is always a reason why we are given what we are given.

I know that I've to take things more slowly and to enjoy what comes as it does for there is ample time to learn and work and my guides keep confirming this with me in many ways from friends telling me to rest ( which I tend not to listen too lol such is the stubborn side of me) and from my guides telling me that there is no need to rush. So I need faith and understanding of current issues in life then u suppose before understanding when to still the mind for rest and meditation, gee why can't things me a lot more simpler in life so much to take on board and to think about here and there.

What’s funny is the reference to wolf that he makes guess he's helped the influence of wolf within me and helped me to see more of what the full is within me as more often than not I’ll have a vision and see the world through the eyes of the wolf, I would be the wolf running with the pack through the forest at night while the rest tend to sit and howl, I am the silent wolf within the pack. Why ? I haven’t worked that out yet but feel its down to more of a mutual understanding for by rights I am not a wolf but an ordinary person like everyone else. I don’t hold myself any higher than anyone else and treat everyone in the same manner ... or at least I hope I do.

Well I'm keeping the rest to myself until I sort out what’s what but feel free to leave suggestions if you have them. Hope you found something to benefit you. Blessed day to all whom may read this posting carry with you the light of the divine and trust that everything in life now is as how it is meant to be and anything that is meant will be as the saying goes que sara sara, what ever will be will be.

Inner Inspiration - 27/07/2009

Have you ever gotten to a point in life where you feel that what you are doing isnt where your meant to be and your ready to give it all up not knowing if doing that is right, but its what you feel that the time. To then realise later after sticking with it that to change your mind and give it all up would have been the wrong thing to do.

There was a point where I felt just like that. I was ready for giving up what I love most all because of a few heartless people who have no consideration for anyone else. Who could only feel what there were feeling what they wanted to and take from another what they wanted to.

We all make choices and there are some we regret doing but whats been done is done and we can't revese the time and change those actions. Theres been a few times im my life where I wish I could back and change things, do things differently but that wont happen.

There was a point not so long ago where I did something I now regret, I spoke to someone and said something that I wasnt given the oppertunity to explain. It was then taken out of context as so many things are done these days when its written word not spoken.

It then went from speaking to this person to them talking to others over the matter. So much for a private converstation. So much for telling me that what i had to say then wouldnt go any further when in fact it did and what was worse they made the whole situation to be worse that what it was.

If there was a feeling of hitten rock bottem I wonder of that was close to it. I was ready to pack in my spiritual path and walk away from it all. The hurt that person caused in doing what they did is unthinkable and they can't see what they have done.

They see there actions as trying to help someone and show concern for others when personally it felt like they were getting back at someone else using the bond I had with them. Trying to use me to hurt them and I would have to say that it did hurt them thats the regret I have from that converstation. I knew better than to talk to them but I let emotion rule over head and didnt think things through as I should have done.

So then with that I was at a low point and Im sure I wasnt the only one feeling the effects of this and to them I would have to say I am sorry to have put you through all of that. But I owe my gratitude to you also for helping me to help myself, for being there to support me through a lesson I had to learn and learn the hard way I did.

I feel like now i've been given a second chance and able to start over again, nothings ever going to be the same as it was and that is to be expected but we have come through it stronger, happier and more contented with ourselve's and that of which we do and love. I can't speak for those who were there to help pull me up when I was down but they played a majour part in my life then and still do today.

It took me weeks to come back to myself from that point and I feel that I have grown in self strength and that what did happen has opened up a whole new perspective on life and self understanding. I had to rebuild my balance of where I am happy in what I do and who I surround myself with. I have learned that there are going to be people in life who are going to try and bring you down through no fault of your own. People who can't bare other people to be happy when they themselves are far from it.

If it wasnt for those few people who where there to help me help myself then I really don't know what I would be doing today. In all honesty if I wasnt here doing what I love then I would be living a very boring life as the saying goes all work and no play can make one a dull person. Its times like those that help you to see the finer things in life. That help you to learn to listen to that inner truth within.

No matter how many people tell you other wise always follow what feels true to you. Trust how it feels and makes you feel learn to know the differences and use them to your advantage. That was one majour lesson I had to learn In what I have just written here.

When you look within you start seeing and feeling what is true to you and what is true to you is the most important factor in life. Your not going to listen to something that you feel to be false. You wont go out and do something that someone told you to do if it doesnt feel right ( unless your forced to). So when it comes to making choices in life follow what your inner voice tells you. Listen to what it is that feels true to you no matter what anyone else had to say.

If I followed what some people had to say in life then I wouldnt have the fantastic friends that I do who are there to support me when I need the support. For they are there to life me up when I am down. To help me grow and learn in life. Who show commpassion and concern, who are there when you need a quite word, where you know nothing will go anyfurther if you ask them not to.

So bare im mind the old saying : Those that matter don't mind and those that mind , don't matter.

Always always trust your instints. If you feel something is not right try and work out why. If your feeling low dont suffer in silence you are not alone no matter how you feel.

The hardest things in life are usualy the ones that you truely learn from and it sticks with you for a long long time. But deep down inside we have the greatest gift would ever ask for and that is being who we are in life. No one can take who you are or what makes you you, You are unique and you are special to each and every person you come into contact with,

You are beautiful inside and out and truly have a purpose in Life. So in saying that I want to thank everyone who has stood by me so far like I have and will them should they ever need that support no matter what it is, I will be there for them. For we have all grown together and in life we shall keep on growing.

From strength to strength you grow and you soon learn who your true friends are. Follow the truth in your heart and when your feeling like your about to give up please take a moment and think it over and trust that you are where you are meant to be in life. Be happy and think positive over any situation and you shall in return create positvie things and positivity shall head your way.

20/05/2009 Post 1 of 2

While working on the 29th of January 2009 I had the strangest of visions. I was relaxing on my lunch break and although I was completely aware of where I was within the staff canteen. I was at the same time elsewhere, it was as if I had slipped into the magical world of daydreams but I hadn’t done so. At least I don’t think I did as I was still able to have the conversations with those whom I was sitting with when I received this strange vision. Strange in the sense that I have no recollection of the place in which I ended up. Not from dreams or stories not even from past life memories.

So while sitting having my lunch with the usual lunch time chatter I soon became aware that I was standing before to large doors, stood with I was one of my guides. I won’t go into detail over him at the moment as I’m still learning who he is and what’s his purpose but gut feeling tells me he has been with me a long time and feel he may actually be my main guide but I guess time will tell in the end as it always does. All I really know of him now is that his name is Draven and he is or was a druid at some stage of his life.

Going back to that vision, I was then aware of being led through the two large doors. Those two large doors were thick and appeared to look heavy. In actual fact they looked as though it would take a great deal of strength to open them but they had been opened with great ease and opened smoothly. On the inside of those doors there was a large wooden beam very similar to that of a railway sleeper. This beam would be used to seal the doors closed from the inside like a barricade. I guess it’s like our lock and key system of the front doors of our homes.

Walking further now into the room I could see that torches aligned the walls; these torches were rather old fashioned wood and flame sort of thing. But it wasn’t out of place in the room. This small passage way that I was standing in was leading towards a large open area. As I neared the end of the small corridor towards the entrance of this area my perspective changed and I found my self seeing the room from another angle. Instead of looking inwards I found myself on the other side of the room looking towards the passage way and doors in which I had just entered the room from.

Before me I could see a large stone like table. It appeared to have been made from marble. At a quick glance the table appeared to have been octagonal in shape. It was hard to tell for certain in the flickering dull light from the torches on the walls. Looking to the table I could see that there was an inner border running all the way around the table. Within the border there was writing or rather odd symbols that could be that of ruins but I cant say for certain as I’m not familiar with runes.

Unable to make any sense of the symbols I had a look at the rest of the table and towards the centre of the table there was what looked like a large sun/compass diagram and had appeared to have been carved into the table and looked like a lot of time and effort had gone into doing so. From what I could see there was little if no imperfections upon the table it was sheer magnificent such mastery in craftsmanship.

I was then made aware that I was no longer alone in the room with my guide. I glanced up from the table to see a man standing near to the door in which I had entered this place. The man stood somewhat mid way between the door and the large table. He looked a bit like a monk but feelings told me different.

He was wearing a long hooded robe with the hood pulled up and over head so as to cover his face or so that I couldn’t see what he looked like. This only had me even more intrigued as started thinking what is there to hide and why show to me but not reveal who he was. I was going to ask when I was stopped like I couldn’t speak as such just felt a sense of knowing that there and then wasn’t the time or place to ask.

While I was looking to him intrigued by his sheer elusiveness I again felt like there was another presence within the room, another that wasn’t familiar to me what so ever, so then I took a quick glance around the room out of interest as to what I was feeling trying to source this other presence that I was feeling.

The room at that point felt slightly darker compared to before like the torches had dimmed as though they were a reflection of the setting of the sun or moon, something along those lines. I couldn’t make much more out of the room but there was another presence, another 5 in fact at that time. None intent on causing harm, none at that point seeming to what to communicate one to one, but even at that there must have been a reason for me being there with them at this time.

It felt like an age had passed while I was looking for detail on the men within the room, I kept being drawn back to the table to the sun diagram in the middle of it. I can’t explain the feeling not even now as I go over notes and try to suss some things out but I do have some thoughts on the matter. On looking to this sun diagram I could see that to the heart of it there was a diamond shape which had me even more intrigued on the matter but that can wait as I shall look into this a bit further for some more understanding.

I then became aware that the men in robes had stepped closer to the table in unison and I could see a bit more detail to the men and noticed that each of them stood exactly alike, they all wore the same type of robes at this point you really do think that they are monks but I know they’re not monks again I can only imagine that in time all shall be revealed if needed. Each man had their hoods up again hiding their face from my view. Their hands hidden within the sleeves of the robes now drawn upwards to their chests and one can only imagine them clasped together before them

I then watched as they again moved in unison in perfect harmony mirroring the movements of each other. This time they knelt down and lowered their heads like they were bowing, all the while not once did any of their hands appear to slip away from being locked to their chests. I could then hear something was like a gentle silent buzzing as though there was a fly hovering around my ears and was about to look when I realised that the humming was in fact those men chanting.

Their chant was almost silent then to and inaudible whisper and slowly growing louder. At first I couldn’t make out anything of what they were saying but as they grew louder I could make out a few words that I didn’t understand but noted down what it was I had heard. I noted them simply for later reference as something within was giving that feeling that their would come a point where I will refer back to it. What I had heard was as follows Oni matra de versa.

(please refer to phrase and message blog in regards to this)

At the time I had no clue as to why I was being shown this or hearing that small part of their chant and honestly even now there are parts of me that still while going over this think what was that about and what was it that I was meant to see. Even now as I think things over and although I will add making some small progress on some of the things I was shown I still feel pretty much in the dark about this but not in a bad way. I have even asked my guide for some help in some basic understanding or some hints as to why I was at this place and as to why I was being shown what I was but he gave nothing other than a smile.

My focus was then brought back to the actions within the room and to what these men were doing. When I looked back to them I could see them slowly coming to there feet and slowly outstretching their arms and raising them upwards, also they were raising there heads from the bowed position. Growing more now in curiosity as to what they were doing I wanted to stay and watch what was happening but was being guided to another room and I felt that I had to go with my guide so a bit disappointed that I had to head off I reluctantly went with my guide trusting them even though being unsure as to what I was going to be shown next.

I was lead to another room just off from the large one with the table. This other room was again lit by the same torches on the wall as before but this room was different. Completely different, there was a fireplace to the centre of the wall to my right that was already roaring with life burning the pile of logs within it. Looking back now and thinking things over this room appeared to have been a scholars study with a lot of books upon the shelves near to the fireplace. Many chairs around the room for people to sit on. There was also a single desk within this room that was situated over by the window to near to the far right hand corner of the room but by the far wall to the left of the fireplace. This desk had no stool or chair in front of it so had you needed to work at this desk you would have to stand. Upon the desk there was a book laid out open. I took a closer look to that book but was unable to make heads or tail of what was written within the pages.

As it was written in a language that I couldn’t understand possibly and ancient language but who’s to know for certain. I did recognise a few symbols upon the pages. I remembered seeing them somewhere else then it had dawned on me that they were some similar or the same within the border of the table in the last room. Again I have no knowledge to the meanings of the symbols but maybe someday who’s to know what’s going to happen.

There is more to come on some of these things and more this wasn’t all recorded over the one day but several spanning over a few months so it has taken some time to recall it all and note it enough for me to now be able to put it together in the hope that with it all being together that it might actually be permissible to make more sense from it all. The following I have to say are from those days spanning out over the months after the original main visual.

The next day I was again shown all of the above but with some minor alterations here and there and extended time in some places as well as being shown new things… I had heard more of the chanting again only some was clear enough for me to record it down for later reference but I won’t add it in just yet as I have some other things to tell you first of all.

I was to re-enter the large room again but this time I was further down a corridor before the main doors leading into the room. It was like some sort of pathway or hallway as some would say. In this pathway upon looking I had noticed that there were 3 hooded men stood in front of the large doors. They looked as though they were a greeting party of sorts. But that I’m not entirely sure of. 2 of the men had their heads bowed lower and the man to the front they had also made sure that their faces were again covered. The way they had there heads positioned rather looked as though they were looking down to their feet. The centre man leading the group stood pretty much like the others he still had that hood up covering his face although not all was covered this time. Only half of his face was covered.

I had the feeling that this man who was leading the group was the same man who appeared in the room with the table before the rest of them had done. There was something about him, that feeling that we had already met but the meeting was recent and because I couldn’t see his face I couldn’t tell for certain if he was that same man. As the other men in robes stood where they were the foreman was different he actually acknowledged my presence there with them as he had bowed his head and raised it again as though he was greeting me there and then slowly raising it again.

The corridor that I was standing in was long and narrow and the doors behind me were the same as those that lead into the larger room with the table. These doors also have that similar large beam of wood to bolt the doors if needs be. Standing in the corridor looking around me, I could see what I was shown the last time I was here, not that there was much to see. There was no feelings of being rushed to see anything there was a sense or knowing that it was open to come back to at another time so that what I haven’t yet seen perhaps I will another time. Again my guide Draven stood with me and neither of us seems to have any intentions of moving on just yet.

The men in the robes then went through the doors before me; I hadn’t noticed that the doors had been opened as they had made no sound. They were heading back into the room with the marble table but before the third man went through the room, he again bowed his head in acknowledgement that I was there with them. I had this urge to follow them back into the room and had hoped to see more of this room but at the same time I felt as though it wasn’t yet time to see something that was going on.

I didn’t follow them into the room, instead my guide and I ended up walking off towards another room. I was too busy looking at the walls as I walked rather puzzled with them as they appeared to be made from stone but to touch you would expect stone to be cold but the walls weren’t cold. However pushing that aside I then noticed that I had ended up in another room.

This room was long and narrow with a long table running down the centre of the room. At one end of the table there were books stacked carefully. Laid out into separate piles. Some were laid out open with pages flapping in the semi apparent wind that was blowing but wasn’t felt from where I was standing.

From this room there were other doors leading off to what I can only think of as being to other rooms or corridors. One lead outwards to an open space. I didn’t have to look to know that as I could see the daylight streaming in from the open door it was kind of a giveaway really. I then opened the first door on my left and walked into the room before me.

This room at first seemed completely empty and dark but when your eyes adjusted to the change it light it wasn’t dark at all. The more you looked the more you could see but only a few things were catching my prying glances at this time. I could see on a table a model of the solar system as we know it to be today. I was more shown this and was kind of made to be aware of it and couldn’t think as to why but eventually I found out what it was leading me to at some point. This you will see later on.

I was also made aware of what looked like scrolls and charts laid out on a table. I took a look to these and it was more like blue prints but not blue prints of buildings more in connection to the layout of the stars. More like maps of the stars that they had been working on, again I was unsure as to why this and why now but it became clearer as things where shown to me.

I was also made aware of two crosses, both standard cross shapes but one was very decorative with red inlay painted into the design, and as of yet haven’t seen a cross like it but have seen some close to it. The other cross you could place within a circle of sorts, the ends of the cross curved and if you were to connect them it would give you a complete circle. On this cross there were three symbols and after looking I found out what these symbols are. The symbols are that of the Chi Rho, the Alpha and the Omega. All of these so far connect to Christianity and Christ. I have seen the connection to this of sorts and feel the connection and at present I don’t feel that it needs to be mentioned.

Heading into what I was later shown in connection to the above happened in March heading into April and I’m still looking into this and still finding the connections even as I type this up in June. I was back in the room with the long table where on the first visit there was books spread out all over one end of it. Well this visit the table was more organised and I was looking with great interest at one of the books. It felt like I was reading the book with great interest but from what I could see there was no words upon the page which may seem strange but on thinking over it I am starting to wonder whether the words were hidden and only available to the subconscious or spirit site of me.

Glancing up from this book I had this feeling to go for a walk to allow what I’ve just read (odd as it seems) to sink in. I went through 2 open doors opposite the table from where I was standing and these led me to an enclosed large courtyard. I say enclosed when really I’m not totally sure.

There was pillars holding the roof up from where you can walk but there was a gap in the room so that the courtyard although enclosed was open. This is where it becomes a little odd but keep reading. I could see a fountain in the centre of this courtyard with the water running as fountains do but I couldn’t hear the water fall onto water as you would expect. Looking now towards the fountain properly I thought I could see it semi floating as such and when I say this I don’t mean its levitating but that the ground it was on didn’t appear to be of stone or grass, It looked like it was in the stars. Honestly I felt really confused over this when I first saw it as I didn’t understand where I was but as time has gone on I feel that it has been more of a place in the spirit world where we go at times to learn or just rest anyway back to what I was saying.

So the fountain looked like it was in the stars and you couldn’t hear the flowing water. I looked up to the sky and this confused me even more as it didn’t make sense , half of the sky was in sunlight with blue sky and the rest was at night with the light of the stars. A feeling of two worlds coming together or that time makes no difference.

Although there was no sound of the water falling from the fountain, I could hear water running like a river next to me. Not a fast one but a gentle one and on looking there wasn’t a river to see but then I sounded as though it was beneath my feet. I spent some time here letting things sink in and taking in what was in that book even though I couldn’t see what was on the pages.

Into May now and still receiving parts of vision all interconnected even now in June I can still see things as vivid as I did when I first saw them although some aspects now faded maybe because I have from them what I needed at the time. This time I was outside in a courtyard as such, well was stood in a pathway with tall hedges to either side looking into a courtyard. There was a man standing in front of me dressed as the first men were. With the hood up covering his eyes standing as the others did with hands together before him.

This time though I did ask him who he was but he didn't answer then I heard the words “He is of the light, he is with you, part of you and part of me.” this I couldn't work out but then thinking on things we are all one in the sense that we are all from the same source of light so I gather yes that statement could be true but where did it come from. It could have come from my guides or it was from one other who has been working with me in this place of peace.

I went over this with a good friend of mine and did some work on it but not work as you may think however that’s a story. And was asked to ask him a question 9 times. Each time I asked the question he always bowed his head as to say yes. He didn't seem bothered that I was asking the same thing over and over again with him, he didn’t become more agitated. We then asked him what his purpose was here and I was given a reply. His reply was “to go on a journey of discovery, or learning and answer, for patience from the seeker will reward in time”. that just added to the confusions slightly at the time but now it doesn’t seem as bad as when he told me it the first time. Isn’t it funny how when you go back over things it never seems as bad as it did or as daunting as it did.

We then asked him if what we were doing was the wise approach and appropriate seeing as we were getting answers. He again replied and the reply was “ of course it wouldn’t be anything other than the wise approach or appropriate for you or anyone else for that matter” at that point as he wouldn’t give his name I was about to go to sleep for the night when he decided it was time to reveal himself.

He lowered his hood to reveal golden blonde hair, very soft and delicate features smooth running and very youthful looking. He didn’t give his name at this point only lowering of the hood was a huge step in all of this, it finally felt like I was getting somewhere. I suddenly had that overwhelming feeling that he was an angel. I can’t explain to you all that feeling and sense of knowing but he did later reveal that to me.

He had turned to walk away towards a large oak tree stood in the centre of the courtyard surrounded by a light mist then the light shone through the mist producing a rainbow which was then reflecting off of this man/ angel, from what I can only presume was the vibrations as to where some would see wings and between my friend and I we were given a name that name being Azekiel. I asked him if it was his name as he was walking away and as I did he then stopped and I felt that he had a smile upon his face. I couldn’t see his face but was positive that he was smiling then he disappeared after that. Whether that was his name or not there was definite meaning to that and gave us some ideas as to what was going on as such.

The next day I was back in this courtyard, this time with the sun shining but there was still mist surrounding that tree but when walking towards the tree the mist dissipated almost disappeared and standing next to the tree I felt fresh and recharged with a whole new energy around me. I can only presume that this large old oak tree was the so called tree of life but I can’t be certain on that it’s only what I feel to be right at the time.

There was one other thing I did get with all of this at the start when I first saw what I did. Which I have yet to speak of frankly I had forgotten about it until I was writing that last part about Azekiel. Where later I had the name Nathaniel for him and looking at what he represents made a lot of sense anyway back near the start I found myself in yet another courtyard. This time with 4 marble with pillars that were evenly space out, there was a river running near by as I could hear it but not see it. Again there was a man with his hood up stood in the centre of the four pillars watching what I was doing or possible showing me something that I have yet to work out.

But the pull or energy from here felt strong and pure not only that it had that air or calmness to it where you felt really at ease and comfortable. Not once while here was there ever that feeling of uncomfort. At this point of what I seeing I was asking why was I the one to see what I was seeing and the reply that I was given to that from my guide was “because you will listen and because you are ready”.

I think of what was said then and wonder am I ready for all of this? Will I be ready to listen to what comes next? I don't think I am ready for any of it but spirit have a different way of working I am sure that they wouldnt show me these things if I wasn't ready for any of it. Maybe im doubting what i'm seeing but I still follow through and record it all and learn what it is I have to, to carry on.

It has become a habit of mine to question things when really there are times where I should just let things fun its course. After hearing that I was ready I was again drawn back to the pillars in this yard and could see that there was vines now growing up them and that there was something iridescent about them, something pure and untouched, unseen by prying eyes. There was flowers starting to bud and blossom on the vines white ones with a pinkish red centre where the stalks of pollen are, the flowers themselves were bell shaped.

Later I was made aware of a tree stump in the garden just off from the pillars with a lady sat upon it and upon seeing her I had the name Uriel humming away a specific tune. It then made me think of Uriel the Archangel who is known to take on the male form most of the time but will also take on the female form depending on need of situation at hand.

Before I was aware of the tree stump I was hearing what sounding like flutes and harps but there was no explanation to those sounds as I knew for fact it wasn’t of the physical environment that I was in so could only be that from the spirit world. And the only way I could explain this at the time was very difficult as I was hearing it, it was like hearing through vibration and yes I know we all hear from vibration but this was totally different and was amazing to hear. I’ve never heard anything so beautiful and stunning before and have yet to hear it again to this day.

When at first I had seen what I did I thought that I was truly loosing my marbles but I went with it almost knowing that there is a reason behind what I was showing and after seeing this I took brief notes so that I would remember from bullet points . Triggers if you like to keep the memory long enough to record it. I still get times where I think it’s been down to my imagination but I’ve never had an overly great imagination and have since started to wonder where everything comes from. Everything we are shown from the spirit world I feel has purpose and meaning to it, some not as obvious as others but still has a meaning just the same.

I am aware that I have noted some things a bit out of order but when you’ve forgotten things and then remembered to add to it it’s a tad hard to work out where it fits in and something had more purpose and influence than others parts in the sense that come have more importance and lessons to them than other parts, and its when you come to note it do you see the relevance of the information given to you. Not only for self purpose but that of others aid so that they can then take something from it and learn from it through what they feel is relevant.

What has come out of all of this? The answer to that being that I have since found out the name of that guide whom was with me through all of these visions giving me the comfort and knowledge that I was in no harm and that I could carry on as far as I was willing and comfortable. Subconscious must have played a part here because there were times where I wanted to carry on and see more but didnt and I believe that our guides are more aware of what our subconscious wants more than we do. I have learnt also to trust more of what I am given and to trust that gut feeling about things which in all honesty has helped in more ways than one.

For now that is all I have, if however I remember something else at a later time and date I will add to this to keep it all together and updated.